i’m a hero…

tough to be hero
but someone's gotta do it
might as well be me 

yep, it's true.  i'm a hero.  a life saver.  someone to be looked up to.

we'll begin the story like this.  anyone who knows me knows i'm kinda a little insane.  not bad insane, i've complete knowledge, acceptance, and control of all my psychoses and foibles.  other than my ability to be a major asshole at times (which just means i'll live a lot longer) they won't hurt anyone, not even me.  

my favourite is my ability to take anything and completely blow it out of proportion.  this is almost always entertaining for me and possibly my audience (consisting of whoever may be around at the time).  while i always humour and laugh with myself, for those around it can go either way.  sometimes they laugh with me, sometimes they laugh at me.  since i'm going for a laugh i don't particularly mind which they choose.

wednesday seemed like it was going to be a particularly boring day at work.  certain folks who normally keep the day moving by bothering us were not around and there was nothing particularly interesting going on otherwise.  the day before we had people trapped in the elevator.  i had made all the calls to the people who fix such situations and we got them out.  it was incredibly routine. well, at least until i decided to see what kind of reaction i'd get to declaring myself a life saving hero.

when i announced to my colleagues my status as a hero, about to be honoured by the mayor with the key to the city for excellence, valour, and going above and beyond in the face of danger bobby took exception mighty quickly.  that was pretty much all i needed to get started.  see, bobby is kind of the straight man to my wacky ass, though it's more "seriously?  are you fuckin serious?" than playing along to be in on the act.  after it's demonstrated i will keep us entertained for the day by being nuts, he will feed me a bit, but only to be amazed at how far i'll take it and actually seem to believe it.

and so it began.  thankfully my voice was working well enough to not suck at singing so i started off with "wind beneath your wings," my version of the bette midler classic.

"did you ever know that i'm your hero?  i'm everything that you'd like to be.  you can fly higher than an eagle.  cuz i am the wind beneath your wings.."

i can even (and did) do that "fly!  fly!  fly away!" part.

moved on to "hero" by mariah carey and at bobby's suggestion (though he was amazed and surprised it was next on the list anyway) "i need a hero" by pat benatar,  i explained to him that part of my powers as a hero were to be able to recall almost any song i've ever heard, even ones i hate, and perform them.  not always well (hell sometimes not ever well) but i will belt them out.  especially when i'm in this sort of mood.

as the night went on, i began to tell others of my heroics only to watch bobby tell them why i am not, in fact, a hero.  thankfully everyone played along and it was fun for all involved.

the first highlight of the evening came a couple hours later.  after way too long of my singing, dancing, and telling tales of heroically making phone calls to people who would actually do something about the problem, i made a mistake.  i don't honestly remember what it was, but it opened the door for bobby to say "a hero would have done that the right way."  without hesitation i replied "every hero has his kryptonite."

the look on his face was priceless.  it was "i want to beat the shit out of you for having an answer to that" + "stunned that you were prepared for it" + "want to laugh my ass of at that."  yeah, that ruled.

i took a break as the humour died down.  the bit had nearly played itself out, but it made an amazing comeback when a person became trapped.  i leaped to the phones to make the call to the people who would call the people who make the rescue!  shortly after, the rescue was made, i'd saved another life!

and then it happened again.  another person trapped.  another set of calls made.  another life saved.  hero chris was living it up.  bobby could do little to nothing to keep my hero sized ego in check.  i was a life saver, everyone knew it.  well, everyone except bobby.

half playing a long, half amused, but half annoyed it was still going on bobby continued to down play my status as a hero.  and then it happened…

the third gentleman who i saved finally reached the lobby.  as he was walking out, he turned to me and (i swear) without being prompted said…

"thank you, you saved my life."