so my sister and father came up to visit with my niece and nephew. had an awesome weekend with them. i love my family very much, but quite literally hate where they live. i get down there more often because of the kids now, but it's always awesome and preferable for them to come here. sadly my mom and brother in law couldn't make it up due to work and school, but we had a great time anyway.
that said, i'm incredibly sore after spending two days tossing this 44 pound pile of energy around for her amusement. she's cute as hell and i enjoy making her laugh, enough so that my energy picks up and i don't get tired, but damn does it suck the days after. i'm not a fan of massages (mostly because i don't like strangers touching me) but i could certainly use one today.
here's a couple of things i though of while playing with my awesome god daughter…
she's the perfect size: if she were to stop growing today, she's really an awesome height to be a hilarious midget. i'm not certain how tall she is, but i'm 5'11 and she's a little bigger than waist high on me. she'd make an awesome pet.
i'm not incredibly certain why that popped into my head, but it did. after laughing at the thought, most of my family told me how demented it was that i came up with it. i agree, but it confirms to me what i already knew…my family are some sick mother fuckers and that's why i love em.
it'd be funny, but sad if she hit her head: at one point at my aunt's house i was throwing her up, catching her and rolling her to the ground in one motion. i had complete control of this operation and it went perfectly well, but i could help but think "holy shit it would suck it i threw her too hard" and "holy shit it would suck if i dropped her."
that's when the scenarios started running through my head. often with family (but not this trip as i'm attempting to take february off) i'm good for a drink or twelve. i started thinking that if i had a beverage in me and forgot my own strength, i could easily toss her too high banging her head on my aunts fairly low ceiling. it was also possible that even though i provided a safe landing on my legs and positioned my feet to cradle her head, she could come down too hard and hit it anyway or possibly miss.
this made me sad for a second. i'd be devastated if i dropped her or tossed her so hard she wound up injured. then it made me laugh uncontrollably. see, see has a very loud, infectious laugh. she was laughing like crazy and screaming "again uncle christopher" or "throw me more!" i thought about how my first reaction if this laughter stopped would probably be to laugh my ass off.
i imagined a video of my incredibly cute, laughing niece being thrown a few times and loving life only to be tossed high, hit her head and plop to the floor. of course the plopping and falling would be done by a doll, i'm not sick enough to actually hurt her, but i'm sure i could coach her into making the appropriate noises.
just think about that on america's funniest home…i mean youtube. yeah, it'd go viral.
she's a giant recorder for all the horrible things i do with unlimited memory: sure, it's not just her it's any kid, but i'll be damned if she isn't somehow in the right spot to hear and see things she shouldn't. once she does she becomes a ticking time bomb. is she going to imitate what she just saw or heard which is clearly inappropriate but likely funny to her (and therefor to me) but will get her in trouble, or is she going to run off and tell her mother and get me in trouble?
she knows how to drive a joke into the ground: kids are like the writers for family guy. they take a joke, make it funny, run it so far into the ground that it stops being funny and then somehow resurrect it by not stopping.
last night for some reason i taught my niece to do a fist pound. she liked that. then i taught her how to blow it up. and that set her off. must have been the combination of the action (fist pound), reaction (blowing up), and the sound she made when she did it that got her goin, but i'll be damned if i didn't blow up more fists last night with my niece than i have in 30 years on this planet.
then again the pound has only been around for the last 7 or so, but still that's double how long she has been around…
oh and she's got a brother. he's 1 and finally real personish enough to be pretty cool too. that's a story about a kid i love that you don't necessarily care about for another day…
