originally posted 04.18.09 for flight to and from virginia
reposted 08.06.09 for flight to and from san diego
reposted and updated 12.31.09 for flight to and from virginia (happy new year everyone!)
reposted 03.25.10 for vegas/san diego (no new pic. I'm lazy, sorry)
reposted 07.15.10 for toronto
so typepad has a neat lil feature that let's you sticky a post and have it hang out at the top of the page. i never thought that would come in handy until today. see, i'm paranoid of flying and always assume i will die due to the flight for whatever reason. i realize this is a bit paranoid and i am ok with that. yes, i know flying is the safest form of travel, but the way i see it, if we were meant to fly…we'd fly.
so yeah, i'm gonna try to update this with each flight i take, and if i think about it, i'll try to change the picture to the type of plane i'll be on. i always check the equipment to make sure i'm not being booked on a turboprop. i don't think we should be flying in the first place, i sure as fuck don't think the funny part of a hat should be able to keep a few tons of steel and humanity in the air.
with that, a few final thoughts…
1. i didn't have time to delete any porn. please don't think i'm a pervert. (ok please don't think i'm some sort of demented pervert) it's really not that much if you think about it. i just have a lot of hard drive space, so there was no need to ever clean house. 10 years ago there'd only be 1 or 2 movies because they took forever to download and were huge compared to the size of the drives, now it takes 2 minutes to download a great clip and you usually forget you got it and just leave it there never to be seen. so don't judge me, aight?
2. since i died in some sort of plane crash, there's likely no body which means there's no need for a depression wake or funeral. that's kinda awesome. (even more awesome is no one will be able to say "he died doing what he loved" because i fucking hate flying) be sure to take any life insurance money (and that big settlement from the airline) and have a giant party. open bar for all. all day and all night. get shitfaced and have a great fucking time on me. jesus died for your sins, i died so you can have a party. there's no crying at parties. besides…i'll be in a better place, right?
3. knowing me i forgot to pay a phone bill or something, so please make sure to do that and any other bills i might have had. ideally life insurance and the settlement should take care of that. any money left after that should be used to make sure my cousins and niece and nephew have their educations paid for. that's right, pay for them to get smart so they don't make the same mistake as me…flying.
4. my favourite cousin ever, matthew, gets first dibs on all my stuff. then everybody else can have what he doesn't want. lauren can have anything nobody else takes.
5. oooh! while i don't want a wake or funeral, i definitely want a funeral procession. a long one. traffic jam long. make it so.
6. oooh oooh! when you tell people about the party, don't tell them i'm dead. just say you're having a party for me and when they get there looking for me chuckle and say "he's dead stupid! have a drink." then you'll both laugh and laugh!
7. my dying wish? that espn's steve phillips is fired and burned at the stake in the paved over remains of shea stadium. if you can find him, butch huskey should be hired to be a clown at the event laughing maniacally yelling "you should have traded me, you should have traded me."
8. in case my plane crashed
here's my last thoughts and wishes
oh yeah, your mom's box
9. this has been up twice and i just caught 2 typos in it.
10. now that steve phillips has been fired, i guess i need a new dying wish. i mean, i somehow doubt the burning at the stake and butch huskey as a clown parts have any chance of happening. i can't think of anything right now, so i'll get back to you.
your not going to die!
i’m surprised i even get to take what nobody else wanted, i thought it might be, have a garage sale with whatever the good cousins don’t want and whatever is left over goes to lauren.
and you should have driven with grandfather (that is if your going to VA, which i think you are)
You should give inspirational lectures on positivity
Ok, so if something does happen, it won’t but I’m just saying, I’m thinking that overdue phone bill can take care of itself. What are they going to do? Call you 10 times a day asking for money? I’d give them the phone.
Now about that party, is there going to be some of your stuff there? Cause I’d like go sift though it before it goes to Lauren.
I’ll be checking in everyday now. So post the party address on here, if you know where it will be. Thanks.
Last time we went to the UK we went via Canada. We got there on an Air Canada small turbo prop plane, luckily the flight was so short you didn’t have time to worry because the moment you settled in for the flight we had landed!
You might die, but don’t worry…you probably won’t feel a thing. Just kidding, you will be fine…or a least a scotch or two will make you think so.
thankfully both flights came and went safely, but yeah aside from the fear during the time it takes to fall 30,000 feet i’m certain it’d of been painless.
though i stick with jack daniels on flights, you had a great idea all the same.
I think it should be noted that you have now had almost eight months to delete that porn. I’m not sure that I can believe you at this point that it’s just a lack of time.
Oh, and happy new year.
actually…when i upgraded my pc to windows 7 i accidentally formatted the wrong hard drive, so…all that original porn is gone. however, like weeds, porn keeps coming back. there’s a whole new batch of porn needing to be deleted! if i spent my living time deleting it, how would i ever enjoy it?
oh Christopher…
only 3 types of people call me christopher: girls i’ve seen naked, girls who want me to see them naked, and family. which are you?
well, which do you think I am?
So Christopher you made it through another flight okay. Er, wait, Chris, I’m not family!
Its a great post.i will definately share it with my friends.
Many many thanks to you for this great share.
@heather i texted the answer to you a month ago
@mik i did indeed sir! and lol.