so my nephew turns 1 on new year's eve. this is great for my sister because it meant she got a tax write off for him a year early. it's not so great for everyone else because it means there's a combined birthday/new year's bash. don't get me wrong, i love my sister, her husband, and her two kids. but who the hell wants to go to a first birthday?
seriously. all that happens at a first birthday is a room crams with more people than the kid has ever seen. most of the time he/she winds up scared and cries constantly. the crying however doesn't keep people from wanting to handle the child, so the kid gets passed along from relative to relative to friend of the parent. every now and then, one of the parents picks up the kid and calms him or her down only to pass him off to another strange set of arms. this goes on for a few hours.
sometime during this there is food for the guests. this is usually when the child is stuck in a playpen or walker like device and forced to be in the middle of the room as everyone tried to make him or her smile so they can say "look, i made him smile!" the kid doesn't know what the hell is going on, he just wants some food too, but usually gets stuck with a bottle or a pacifier.
then there's cake. everyone gets all excited to see what the kid is going to do with the cake and they sing happy birthday at him. since the kid has only ever really had his mom or dad perhaps sing a lullaby to him the combined group of 30-40 people is too much and again causes a fit of rage, confusion, and crying. he then usually beats the hell out of the cake. why? because it's the cakes fault that everyone is singing at him. everyone thinks the beating of the cake is cute and that he's doing it for fun, but in reality he's pushing the damn thing away because it has just caused him more stress than he's ever been under in his life. then the parents try to get him to blow out the candles. this either works or doesn't, but always manages to get baby spit on the cake that's already had crying baby hands in it.
after the cake is cut and passed out to the few brave souls willing to eat the baby germ laden cake, the kid is put to sleep. it's the first time in his life he has quietly and more than willingly been sent to a dark room by himself. the parents get all happy because "oh my god he finally went to bed by himself!!!" then the party gets boring because of the 40 people there, 29 of them were really only there to see the kid and left as soon as he did. the remaining 11 immediate family who see each other all the time anyway.
oh, and i didn't even mention all the other children running around. yeah, they make it even better…
i explained this to my sister who said it would still be fun. i had to explain to her it was because it was her kid. of course she's excited, she was able to keep a baby alive for a year. keeping a baby alive for a year deserves some sort of recognition after all.
then i asked her how much fun shes had at the party for other 1 year olds…she stopped defending how fun the party would be.
so yeah, i'll be going to virginia for the combined 1 yr old party/new years bash. it should be a good time, because uncle christopher is full of good times!
as for football…well, i don't know. i didn't even check. let's see how i did!
winners: jets, rams, broncos, panthers, seahawks,
losers: falcons, bengals, titans, patriots, steelers, saints, texans, chargers, cowboys, vikings, ravens
week 13 record: 5-11
season record: 86-88-1 (yup, finally under .500 for the year…)
