so i (e-)mailed it in yesterday. sorry to anyone who had high hopes for me being witty and funny with my picks. and even sorrier to those who came with lower expectations that i still failed miserably by refusing to be even the slightest bit interesting. as it turns out it looks like i'm having a pretty shitty week with my picks anyway.
been a while since i did a real post that wasn't just about sports, so i figure now is as good a time as any. what's been up? a lot of nothing really. been home a lot less lately, doing a lot more, but having nothing to show for it. good times no doubt, but nothing really worth chronicling. friday was almost interesting. it had the potential to be great, but sadly had the rug pulled out from under it.
we'd gone out for adam's birthday (yay adam!). hit up a place called f.a.t.s by penn station. they have an amazing buffalo chicken sandwich that gets served on a pretzel roll. i've likely talked about it before. pretzel rolls are the shit.
before we go on. why can't i spell sandwich correctly? i always think there's an "h" after the w and before the i. it always looks right to me and spell check always tells me i'm wrong.
so we were at f.a.t.s. brian, sis, and adam were there and christine introduced me to some dude named john. in all honesty i didn't pay attention to the intro and didn't catch why we knew him. the night went on and we drank and drank. i noticed john talking to the bartender a lot. thinking he was one of adam's friends and had never been at this place before, i took that as a sign that he was going to do well with her. then we decided to leave.
after a bit of arm twisting we got the bartender to agree to meet us at hibernia. by "us" we meant john. see we talked john into coming by talking the bartender into coming by convincing her friend that she should come as well. and off we went. outside while waiting for john and sis to come out i asked adam how he knew john. the answer "i don't. he was sitting there talking to christine when i showed up." so i asked christine. her answer "i don't. he was sitting there talking to brian when i showed up." brian was long gone by this point.
it dawned on me that not only did we sort of befriend a complete stranger, but we pretty much peer pressured him into leaving a bar he's a regular at to go to hibernia. we also gave him the impression that a girl he clearly liked but didn't think we be into him would be joining us. yeah, that didn't happen. she did text at some point sayings he was cashing out, but was eventually a no show.
that's when a bunch of random girls walked in because they heard the sing-a-long of sweet caroline going on. t'was around 2:30 which is about the time eddie throws on the "they'll sing this because they're hammered" playlist. and in walked the girls. all kind of cute. oddly i liked the blonde, but realized quickly she wasn't the fun one and zeroed in on the cute brunettish one who sadly had short hair or she'd of rated far better than cute.
now that i was pretty much ignoring my friends, adam was almost falling asleep, and john had been let down they all left. christine decided i had everything under control and took off with them. and that's when suddenly, suddenly all of a sudden my girl's friend decided she no longer liked the guy she was talking to. but i handled it fine for a few minutes. it would have been nice to have a wingman, but it wasn't necessary.
and then someone stepped up to be wingman. cool! only, not so much. it was a guy at the bar who i've talked to a couple of times and never did i think he'd blow this situation. he's a black guy. don't ask me why but i just always assumed all black dudes know how to talk to women. i mean, the fresh prince always got the girl, right? hell, even urkle got laura after a while. and my sister married a black guy.
thinking about it, perhaps i should base my stereotypes on more than 2 sitcoms from the 90s and my sister…
so this guy went ahead and ruined it. he ruined it more than the night i stumbled into a group with my friend intending to help him out and drunkenly slurred "you're hot. and you smell good!" i mean, at least that night they were able to make fun of me to get the girl. no, this guy just went ahead and took any alcohol induced amorous vibes and sobered everyone the hell up. it happened so quickly, but felt like it was forever.
it was at this point i realized i should have gotten them started playing some connect 4. we have board games at hibernia and damnit connect 4 always works. it's just enough competition which almost always intrigues girls and distracts them from the fact that you're not letting them win because you like them; you're letting them win because you are too fucking drunk to remember how to play connect 4 and have been staring at her tits while keeping yourself from drunkenly saying you're staring at her tits. by the time she realizes this she's already decided you're cool and she's going to hook up with you anyway.
so yeah the girls went away and i was left to drink with the remains of the night as the bar closed. thankfully hibernia is full of cool people. i relayed my misery to one of said patrons. to which he responded "oh yeah, we call him '(word in another language i don't remember).' it means 'he who scares away women.'"
well, fuck…
and with that i'm off
black guy didn't get the girl
and lost one for me
connect 4 is fun
and distracts girls from knowing
just how drunk you are
happy thanksgiving
to all you canadians
especially kev
