what would reagan do (and other random hate)…?

if anybody asks, i've got explosive diarrhea today.  you read it here, that's why you know, and that's why i couldn't go to work.  yup, explosive diarrhea.

so i was visiting some political type blog the other day.  i'll be honest i was sorta half paying attention, likely because there was either porn or sport on in the background.  i saw a banner that read "what would reagan do."  is it bad my first thought was "probably forget what you said then drool all over himself?" 

my cousin is graduating tomorrow (or technically, today).  i went to go buy him a card. 

at the store, there's a guy, he looks a lil off.  i'm honesty not certain if he's a tad mentally handicapped or just really creepy and gay.  either way, one day he asked me if i needed help.  i'm not the type to want help when shopping, but on his particular day i wanted coke zero and i couldn't so i thought "what the hell?  i'll ask." 

he didn't know what coke zero was, but did his best to help me.  that was polite of him.  he now follows me around the store any and every time i go in.  i'm not certain why.  i actually avoided the store for a month to not see this guy who is clearly working the midnight shift because he scared too many folks during the day.

so i was reading the cards (way to get back on point jackass!) hoping to find the one that was most uncomfortably funny.  ya know the type of funny that makes you feel as if you're going to vomit because you know someone, somewhere wrote down a  few sentiments.  maybe they even rhymed.  and then showed it to a fellow fuddy duddy and they laughed and laughed before walking down the hall and showing it to the head person in charge of thinking things are funny and then they all laughed and laughed.  then they print em up, all proud of their work, and you read it in the store and wish they were dead?  the kind of funny i'm shooting for now, only you haven't even chuckled and feel you sorry for me.  and i did find one.

in my quest to find that card i saw a card in spanish.  it was a map of a graduate with a bunch of body parts labled with semi inspirational (based on my limited "forgot my spanish the day i left high school" spanish) sayings.  so i opened the card hoping for a punchline, which likely would have gone over my head as most ethnic humour does.  (we've got our "two jews walk intro a bar…" and they've got their "so juan and pablo fucked a goat…")  there was no punchline.  it was just "congratulations i love you" bullshit.  but then i turned it over and it had translations for all the stuff on the front of the card. 

why the fuck would a card have translations?  the only 3 situations i can think of that you would buy that card are 1.  you and the recipient speak spanish.  2.  you don't but the recipient does speak spanish (perhaps they studied it?) 3.  you want to confuse/amuse recipient by making some sort of racist joke at the end of the card,  

i s'pose a 4th reason is that you waited to long to buy the card and the spanish card was the only one left.  in that case, the kid you're buying it for is probably stupid and won't read the damn thing anyway, you'd save yourself four bucks and a trip to the atm by just buying him the beer and weed he'd use the money for anyway…

i made chocolate sorbet today.  possibly the simplest recipe ever (2 or so cups water, 1 cup sugar, 1 cup dutch process cocoa, pinch or two of salt, splash of vanilla, splash or three of dark rum).  just finished churning it in my machine and it was like frozen brownie batter.  holy shit was the texture amazing.  i'm hopin' it doesn't freeze up too much, and it shouldn't as i added the rum after i took it off the heat.  it's not much, but it should keep it from ever getting solid.  don't get me wrong, it'd still be delicious but it wouldn't be as velvety.

frozen brownies yum
getting cold in the freezer
there's no need for milk

so i hung with the family today.  i love hanging with my family cuz they're good people and tend to be amazingly fun.  well, at least when they're not pulling their own personal random problems (oh, i've got em too).  but i think the reason i enjoy em so much is i don't see them all that often.  it makes enjoying the day that much more important.

that's kind of why like short vacations too.  don't get me wrong, i love vacation.  i just, sort of, get sick of it after a while.  it's kind of like "ok, i get it, i'm in fucking paradise."  sort of touched on this with someone earlier this week.  sure it'd be lovely if everything was great all of the time, but if it was wouldn't great start to get boring?  you wouldn't think, but i bet it does.  sometimes you just need something to rock the boat every now and then…just to keep things interesting.

it's why i wonder if i'm really cut out for a relationship.  when i go away with friends or even a chick i was seeing, it's fun for a couple of days.  by day 3, maybe 4, i'm done looking at them.  i'm talking some of my favourite people on this planet.  we went away and after a few days i didn't give a shit if i ever saw them again.  i did/do of course (see them again) and love it almost always.

makes you think back on all the married folks you know.  which are the ones that broke up?  the ones that no one thought would.  why?  because they worked so hard lying to themselves and others that everything was great.  why lie?  there's nothing wrong with saying "i fucking love you but right now i don't like you all that much."  your friends will understand why you went out for drinks alone and when you stumble home drunk at the end of the night you'll have the blow off fight that leads to amazing make up sex.

that all said, there's someone out there right now that i'm totally craving more of…

…

oh yeah, 'grats richard!
today's your graduation
time to grow up, punk!