so i went to mcdonald's today because it's been a while since i've had fast food and i like the southern style chicken sandwich (it's no chick-fil-a sammy, but it'll do).
in line i saw an asian girl who i immediately decided was a cunt. i'm not sure what made me think this about her, but my spider sense was screaming that a cunt was in my vicinity and i'd likely be pissed off at her soon. she ordered some coffee. not just coffee, but something from the "we're trying to drive a nail in starbuck's coffin" menu. the beverage she wanted had 7 words in it so i knew my spider sense was right.
the poor barely speaks english, let alone engrish guy at the counter tried to repeat the drink back to her and failed, leaving out her choice of milk. she scoffed at him as if he was a piece of shit rather than simply saying she preferred 2 percent milk. in the guy's defense, i couldn't understand her and i was being incredibly attentive to satiate my desire to hate the woman, how is the guy who doesn't give a shit he's at a 6$/hr job supposed to understand her barely audible and not even properly spoken mumbles?
it was then i noticed in her hand a book. interested in what the cunts of the world are reading these days, i spied the cover.
"sTORI telling? please don't tell me that's by…holy shit, they let tori spelling have a book?"
notice i didn't say write a book. yup, this dumb self important cunt who was ordering designer coffee from a mcdonald's of all places was satisfying her need for knowledge by reading the brilliant scribbles of a bleach blonde idiot who's only "famous" because her father was a television producer who felt sorry for his talentless daughter.
further investigation revealed the book came from the flushing library. WHY THE FUCK IS A TORI SPELLING BOOK IN THE LIBRARY?!? aren't libraries supposed to be vaults of knowledge? you're supposed to learn shit at the library not seek out the mindless chatter of a ditzy bitch. if we start allowing shit in the vein of a tori spelling book into places we send our kids to seek information we may as well start keeping hardcore lesbian porn there too (at least the guys would learn to eat a snatch properly).
so after i got passed the book thing and made my order, the cunt was standing next to me shitty coffee in hand. she stood there until my cashier acknowledged her. when it was her turn to talk she said "she gave me this. 9 singles and 2 coins. i doesn't need the coins. give me 2 5 and 1 single."
don't say prease or anything.
oh and she was wearing a cunty beret too…
Awesome, awesome work my friend. Hilariously written and authentic. Now I hate that bitch also.
As a chick I don’t enjoy the word cunt, but I have to say you’ve shed new light on the word. You made me chuckle and I like that in a dude who’s gonna use the word cunt.
I especially enjoyed the image of her “wearing a cunty beret, too.”
@ chris why thank you sir. glad i could bring a little hate into your life and thanks for joining me in it.
@ cardiogirl sadly it happens to be my favourite word. i do my best to use it sparingly, and hopefully, well. glad i could take the edge off of it for you even for a moment.